Final Video Review - Dance For Camera

Final Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bikFnlt1WU

• Use of choreographic devices - they have really come along since my first draft video. In my final video, I have slowed down the tempo of choreography at points, which is something I didn't really do in my first draft. Making some of the choreography slower somewhat led to the creation of a climax in my piece. I have continued to use a lot of repetition. Here are some examples:

Other main movements I repeated included turns and rippling. Also, whilst performing this repetition, I added embellishment. For example, my hands coming up and over my hair whilst rippling. Furthermore, I applied retrograde, like when I slide forward on the floor twice and then straight afterwards return to where I was before the slides took place.

• Structure - as mentioned above, I feel that I have added a climax to the piece. The clip of me slowly applying lipstick juxtaposes to the next clip of me suddenly shutting the powder case and kicking towards the camera. In my final structure, I also had a clear binary (AB) structure, which I am pleased with. The change from black backdrop to white wall simplistically and also effectively shows my switch from A to B. 

• Showing my stimulus - I feel like I could have smiled more in the video. Yet, my focused face highlights how concentrated and serious females are to show what they can do, so it works to an extent. There are moments when I smile - after I apply lipstick and when I hip bounce.

Shots/Angles - I succeeded in my target of having a stronger establishing shot in the video:

However, I wish I made the establishing shot longer, as it only remains alone for a second.

Other shots:

Close up

Side close up - NEW ANGLE 

Above shot (birds eye)

Over the shoulder - NEW ANGLE

• Physical setting - Where it was filmed: Filming all of it in the dance studio went well. It gives the video a much more professional look and feel to it. Also, starting the piece in black and white and switching to colour adds interest, giving my video an edge. However, filming in the dance studio still presented unnecessary things in the background. For example, when I am dancing with the white backdrop, you can see a plug socket and part of the whiteboard. Therefore, this is an area I'd further develop. To ensure the white backdrop is completely plain, I need to prepare the setting before filming, which would involve me covering the plug socket and whiteboard with white cloth so that they blend in.

• Physical setting - Costume: I wore a pink top with black leggings. The choice to wear pink was smart because it meant that I could relate it to the official girl power logo -

The leggings were worn mainly for comfort and because they were plain. This is something I would develop if I were to film again. This is because in the section with the black backdrop, I am blending in with the setting too much. Next time, I would maybe wear grey bottoms, as that colour would not clash with either backdrop.

• Aural setting - Music: I ended up changing the music. 'Run The World' is very encouraging and empowering for women, however I am playing a girl who is happy and confident in themselves already and doesn't need to feel reassured. This led me to choosing a different Beyonce track - Diva. The lyrics highlighted in pink strongly reflect the feelings of a confident female, hence why I chose it.

'Diva' Lyrics:

(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/beyonceknowles/diva.html)

I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey)
I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a-a diva
I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a a diva
I'm a, I'm a a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a a di...

Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla...
Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla...

Stop the track, lemme state facts:
I told you, gimme a minute and I'll be right back
Fifty million round the world and they say that I couldn't get it;
I done got so sick and filthy with Benjis, I can't spend it
How you gon' be talking shit? You act like I just got up in it;
Been the number one diva in this game for a minute!
I know you read the paper - the one that they call a queen,
Every radio round the world know me cause that's where I be (first!)

I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey)
I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a-a diva
I'm a, I'm a-a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a a diva
I'm a, I'm a a diva (hey), I'm a, I'm a a di...

Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla...
Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla...

When he pull up, wanna pop my hood up,
Bet he better have a six-pack in the cooler
Getting money, divas gettin' money,
If you ain't gettin' money, then you ain't got nothing fo' me
Tell me somethin', (tell me somethin'): Where yo boss at? 

Choregraphy Rehearsals - Cats

Act 1:

Prologue: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats

Invitation to the Ball - first attempt.

The Old Gumbie Cat

Rum Tum Tugger

Bustopher Jones

FULL Jellicle Ball

The Jellicle Ball - 2nd group section onwards.

Act 2:

Gus: The Theatre Cat

Skimbleshanks

Dance For Camera - Rehearsal Process

Firstly, I improvised choreography to fit with my girls stimulus. From this improvisation came motifs and once getting confident with these, I began filming, playing around with various camera angles. For instance, a motif of mine was filmed using an establishing shot and then again but from behind the dancer and closer. 

As I am the dancer in my video, I asked Elsie to peer assess the choreography I was creating. If she liked a piece of movement, we would film it a number of times, applying choreographic devices; for example, performing it slower or faster (dynamics), performing it at different levels, changing the amount of space used.  She has assisted me filming in rehearsal and will do in the final videos. I directed her, saying which angles I wanted. Deciding on what camera angles to use was more or so a trial and error process; we had to experiment a fair bit to see what looked most visually effective.

Elsie's feedback:

WWW - I come across happy and confident when performing the choreography.

EBI - The choreography could be more specific to the stimulus.

Gathering all the clips taken in class rehearsals, I uploaded them onto a computer and used iMovie to edit them, for example, I had to mute the sound in the clips, as it would be heard even with music added on top. Once in iMovie, I was able to import music from my iTunes library. I looked at upbeat songs with lyrics to match my message, which led me to Beyonce - Run The World (Girls).

Further Development - Cats

If Cats were to go on tour...

I would like to see more clearer attitudes towards Grizabella, before and after she is accepted. When she receives the envelope in  'Journey to the Heaviside Layer', I want a mix of reactions. In the show, me and Sophie were stunned. This shock could be slightly more bitter and even angry. This would contrast to those who are overly happy for her and immediately begin to clap when she is announced as the new face of the magazine. As Ellie's character - Demeter - is the only one by her side up until the finale, I think their relationship needs to have more secretive moments and affection. Perhaps in Grizabella: The Glamour Cat, they could embrace eachother so quickly because they are scared of Demeter getting caught. However, I do worry that won't match the pace of the song. 

Another aspect I would further develop is Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser's reputation. I think the agency characters need to frown upon them more. For example, they could try and enter the party during Old Deuteronomy but be rejected.

As for my own character, I'd like Jellylorum to have a closer relationship with Gus prior to their duets. Also, I'd wish to interact more with Bombalurina and Demeter. Originally, they are the 3 queens. Currently, they share no closeness, except for in The Old Gumbie Cat and Grizabella: The Glamour Cat. Their friendship could simply be shown if the formations were rearranged on stage so that they're always in the same line or performing group dance sections together, like they do in The Jellicle Ball.

Final Show Links

Part 1 - The Old Gumbie Cat (Acapella)

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Show Strengths & Weaknesses

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Strengths:

• Tapping in Gumbie Cat is at a great standard. We are performing it in unison which really shows as everyone does the same arms and legs.

• I'm beginning to channel Bustopher Jones well. For example on the line 'because I've preserved all my life a routine...', my mockery of him is obvious.

• Good meandering and interaction between year 13s and 12s in Old Deuteronomy. It shows that their media/press characters. It also creates an effective visual image.

• My group dance sections in Jellicle Ball are really strong. I am being as energetic as possible, whilst keeping extension of the body always in mind.

• Growltiger is growing in animation. The sword fight at the beginning is slick and effective for setting the fantasy scene.

• Skimbleshanks has a strong opening - the scene is hectic which is our exact intent.

Weaknesses:

• Solo lines in Prologue - my voice sounds strained, this is probably because I had just recovered from a sore throat. To improve the quality, I think I need to keep the whole line in either chest or head voice, and not go from one to the other.

• Timing of 2nd trio verse in Gumbie Cat - currently singing behind the music. This weakness can be fixed by listening to the track prior to the next show and singing it altogether.

• Exit stage earlier for the start of Grizabella: The Glamour Cat. With me offstage, it will highlight Grizabella's isolation, making the audience feel sympathy.

• Lower volume of voice in Growltiger to match Josh's. As a duet, we need to be equal with eachother.

• Fuss around more/longer when getting into first front line formation in Skimbleshanks, as the other side do. Perhaps try fixing something of Ellie or Catrina's.

Artistic, Vocational, Professional Views

What were you trying to achieve? 

To show a genuine friendship with Gus.

How did you achieve this?

I achieved this by singing more at Gus, rather than the audience, in our duets. This was effective because it showed how I was deeply engaged in his character. Our friendship was shown in my gentle manner and the constant smile I gave him. My gentle manner was clear when I discussed his physical state 'his coat's very shabby and he's thin as a rake'. Occasionally, I would put my hand on his shoulder or thigh, which reflected how sensitive I was with him. Furthermore, I gathered the others in the song to come closer and listen to Gus during his verse. This shows how my character is proud to be friends with Gus and wants others to hear of his success, as she herself finds it remarkable. You could say that Jellylorum is inspired by Asparagus. The way I sung also helped represent our friendship. I sang my solo verse softly and often used my head voice, creating an angelic-like sound.

What would you do to further this? 

To further the showcase of Gus and I's friendship, I would like our characters to have more interaction throughout the show. Prior to our songs in Act 2, we don't pay much attention to one another, and there are definitely opportunities to do so. In the final show, we spontaneously spun together in The Jellicle Ball, which was a moment of improvisation, but I would include again if there was another show.

Post Show Evaluation

Show 2:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 - Moments of Happiness (acapella)
Part 4

A drawback of our Thursday matinee performance was our volume level in the more challenging songs. For instance, in the Prologue 'practical cats...rabbinical cats' verse, confidence was lacking, hence a lower volume. It has been advised that we tone down the dance solos slightly so the singing is not completely overshadowed. The following song - Naming of Cats - is whispered by all. However, at the moment you are only hearing the people who know the words, which I would include myself in. Nevertheless, the knowledge of lyrics should mean the volume is loud and clear, and this is not the case. The backing track can only be increased if we on stage are louder. With the backing track increased, it will become easier to hear and understand the timing, which is a factor we are collectively struggling with and contributes to the current low volume.

Another aspect that needs development is the balance of people on stage. For example, during Sophie's speech which comes after Josh and I singing 'Jellicle cats come out tonight...to the jellicle ball', there are far more people stood stage left than there is stage right. To overcome this problem, I've decided I will come off the runway to be on the same side as Josh. If I still notice an imbalance, I plan to improvise and mime to other characters that they need to move. 

The Old Gumbie Cat and Rum Tum Tugger are our strongest numbers. It is now just the matter of tightening the choreography, so having flat hands whilst tapping and making the arm and leg movements sharper in the fast pace instrumental of Tugger.

Another area of improvement is facial expressions in The Jellicle Ball. This is a target I would definitely apply to myself. Up until show week, my main concern for this song was being fully confident with the choreography. I believe I have achieved this confidence through the rehearsal process. Therefore, my focus now switches to how I reflect this confidence, which is through strong facial expressions. 

What went really well in our Thursday matinee was the group's ability to improvise. During 'Moments of Happiness', the music cut out. This led to Ellie singing part of her solo acapella and the group singing- 'Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight. Open up, enter in' with no backing either. Personally, I enjoyed the song acapella. It lowered the mood of the piece even more which is what we are striving to achieve in the opening of Act 2.

Watching the video back, I felt my vocals weren't at their best for Gus: The Theatre Cat. Prior to the show, we were unable to do a group warm up which has taught me to fully warm up alone if we ever don't get the chance to do so. Furthermore, the emotional content in Gus, i.e. the admiration that Jellylorum has for him, needs to be made more obvious. At the moment, I am making a lot more eye contact with Josh than he does with me. This effects the connection we are trying to portray to the audience; to prevent this, Josh and I have planned to rehearse our songs before the evening show, in which we will strongly focus on eye contact between eachother and to the audience. In Growltiger, we were missing a sword, which was later found. Being part of the props team, I felt responsible and wish to strictly set everything next time.

Finally, The Ad-dressing of Cats has largely improved. Yet, a few minor issues still remain. For instance, me and Ellie tend to rush the weaving through the agency characters, which takes place at the back of the stage. This causes us to travel asymmetrically. This can be fixed if me and Ellie take a moment to look at eachother. Seeing as we are presenting Grizabella, a shared look with a smile is appropriate because it would show our happiness for her. The presentation of Grizabella could be greater; as me and Ellie release her, we need to maintain our arms to be up and out towards her as she takes the runway.

Rehearsal Evidence - Cats Solo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0kAo95fZ3c&index=24&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9 - watch from 3 minutes onwards.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-p82JO6okg&index=25&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9-

Reviewing Second Draft Script

Name three things that are working in the 2nd draft of your script? Fully explain/analyse (dialogue, structure, narrative characters)

Since speaking to Debra, the structure of my play is an aspect which is working really well. With the singular doors staging, I have been able to start and end each scene in a simplistic but effective way. For example:

Scene 4. Ton and Lynn enter a door. One of many plotted onstage. The door opens into the scene of Ton’s 7th birthday party at the family home.

Scene 5. Ton and Lynn have a discussion, before entering another door.

Scene 6 – Ton and Lynn enter the second door. This door introduces the love of Ton’s life – Emma– and their relationship. They are around 20 years old.

The factor of a different door per scene has really helped me get into a flow when writing. It establishes the purpose of each scene. Also, it clearly separates the scenes from eachother, allowing me to come up with new and fresh ideas for what's upcoming. Furthermore, the differentiation of the scenes ensures that the storyline is uncomplicated, making it easy for an audience member to understand.

The introduction of character 'Emma' shows a softer and romantic side to George's character.

Example 1-

Emma: Oh but you know I’m ill Ton.

Ton: I know babe, but please. For me.

Example 2-

Ton gets down on one knee

Emma: Oh my god.

Ton: Emma, you bring out the best in me babe. I love you more and more each day.

Their love offers the play a different vibe. Previous to Scene 6, there has always been some drama involved. This scene contrasts to what has come before it, therefore giving my play dynamics. Understanding Ton's range of emotions, the audience continue to admire his character and the current day determination he has to recover. 

Third and finally, I feel that the dialogue has improved, in terms of the amount of interruption during a moment conflict.

For instance:

 Andy: I just got your son, my nephew, a birthday present. I don’t see the problem here to be quite frank with you George.

George: I’ll tell you what the fucking problem is, you and your Mrs flaunting all your cash. Always embarrassing me and Chrissy.

Andy: Are you having a laugh? All the financial help we’ve given you guys and this is how you return the favour.

George: What financial help?

Neither character deliver long-winded sentences, without the other snapping back. The pace is fast and the quick  and short responses from both Andy and George heighten the suspenseful atmosphere. 

Name three things you would develop if your play was long-listed? Fully explain/analyse

If my play were to be long-listed, the area of my script I would like to improve on first is lighting and sound effects.  'Scene 1: The stage is in impenetrable darkness' - this is one of the only lighting descriptions within my script. Looking back at 'Styles of Script' (post), I need to apply some of those features, for example INT/EXT. and the time of day. Giving each scene a time of day will influence the lighting. 

How I could apply the features listed above:

Scene 4. Ton and Lynn enter a door. One of many plotted onstage. The door opens into the scene of Ton’s 7th birthday party at the family home.

BECOMES

Scene 4: Ton and Lynn enter their first door. The door opens into Ton's 7th birthday party at the family home. INT. 13.00.

As the time is 13.00, I would want the lighting to reflect a sunny day, which mean I would use colours such as white and blue.

The second area of my script I'd wish to develop is stage direction for the actor. My general stage directions are going well but I want to give my actors more guidance to what tone I want certain lines to be in:

Ton (spoke elongated): Dad - this is a good example of me doing this.

However, the dialogue between Ton and Lynn needs more of this.

It currently looks like this-

Lynn: You’re honest. I like honest people.

Ton: That’s sweet.

Lynn: So, what came after primary school?

Ton: High school, of course.

Lynn: Oh yes, the place full of hopes and dreams.

It could be like this-

Lynn (sweetly): You're honest. I like honest people.

Ton (smirks): That's sweet.

Lynn (curiously): So, what came after primary school?

Ton: High school, of course.

Lynn (sarcastically/exaggerating): Oh yes, the place full of hopes and dreams.

The last thing I would do to develop my script is include a monologue from another character, most likely Lynn. This would present to the audience a different perception of Ton and gives them a chance to view the protagonist in a different light. A monologue from another character would add more dimension to the play.

Do you think you have achieved what you set out to do? Fully explain/analyse

I am disappointed that I was unable to finish my script, however I am satisfied with the storyline that I have created for the rest of the play (see end of 'full second draft script'). I think the warning against alcohol message has gradually got firmer and will continue to do so as the severity of Ton's troublesome life is revealed. Finally, the addition of Lynn's monologue will help show the progression of her and Ton's friendship.

FULL SECOND DRAFT SCRIPT:

Scene 1: The stage is in impenetrable darkness. A young boy is asleep in bed.  A drunk father stumbles in, providing the stage with its first moment of light. This is a flashback.

George: Oi son!

(no response)

George: Oi Ton, get your arse down here.

(no response)

George: Are you fucking deaf?  (shouting merrily at the bottom of the stairs)

(no response – Ton wriggling in bed. George is making way up the stairs, falling at each step.)

Enters Christine - Chrissy. At the top of the stairs.

Chrissy: Look at the state of you.

George: Oh come on Chrissy. I’ve only had a couple.

Chrissy: A couple? You’re off your face.

George attempts to hug and kiss his wife. Christine backs away.

Chrissy: What’s happened to you?

George: What are you on about love? I’m fine. Brilliant.

Chrissy: I want you to get your things together, and leave. I don’t want to see you here in the morning.

George: Are you sure you’re not pissed? Cause you are chatting shit.

Chrissy: Oh please, George. If there’s anyone chatting shit, it’s you.

George: You don’t mean what you’re saying Chris.

Chrissy: I do.

George: You love me. And I love you! (goes in for a kiss)

Chrissy: No. Get off me.

George: Look love, I’m just going to get Ton and have a drink with my boy.

Chrissy: A drink with your boy? He’s 11 years old.

George: Better to introduce him to the good stuff whilst he’s young, ay.

Chrissy: You’re sick.

George: No, but I might be later.

Chrissy: You think this is all some big joke? You’re meant to be a father. You don’t even come close.

George: And you’re an emotional wreck.

Chrissy: And you know what? I did love you, but not anymore.

George (sarcastically): Oh no

Chrissy: Ton isn’t going to see you like this, and you won’t see him until you get your act together.

George: Oh won’t I? Get out of my way you silly cow.

George pushes Christine out of his way. Opens Ton’s bedroom door. Shuts and locks the door. Christine stood by.

George: Good morning son!

Ton: Dad? (half asleep)

George: Come on. Get your dressing gown on.

Ton: Why? It’s 4 in the morning.

George:  Oh is that the time? The night has only begun my boy.

Ton: I’ve got school in a few hours.

George: School is a bunch of bollocks. Come on, get your dressing gown and we’re going downstairs. You’re having a drink with your old man.

Ton: But…

George: But nothing (shouting)

Chrissy (directly outside Ton’s bedroom): The boy wants to go to school. If you showed up at any of the parents evening, you’d know he is one of the brightest boys.

George: If he’s one of the brightest then I’m sure he can miss a day.

Chrissy attempts to open the door.

Chrissy: George, unlock the door.

George: Go to bed Chrissy.

Chrissy: I’m not leaving you alone with him.

George: He’s my son you crazy bitch.

Chrissy: Ton?

Ton: Mum it’s fine. I’ll go down with dad.

Chrissy: He’s not safe baby.

George: I’m not safe? Don’t listen to her Ton. She wouldn’t have married me if I wasn’t ‘safe.’ I’m her knight in shining armour, she just doesn’t like to admit it, ain’t that right Chris?

Chrissy (slaps hand on door): Stop talking rubbish George. Let me in.

Ton: Dad, I’m scared.

George: Nothing to be scared about son. Come on, let’s find your dressing gown and head downstairs.

(turning room upside down)

Ton: Dad, what are you doing?

George: What do you think I’m doing?

 Ton: My dressing gown’s there (points at it - hung on the wardrobe door)....Dad, I don’t like it when you and mum argue.

George: You should tell her to stop being a bitch then.

Ton: She’s not!

George: What?

Ton: I said mum isn’t a…the b word.

George grabs Ton by ear. Unlocks the door and drags him downstairs. Chrissy runs after them both, screaming.

Chrissy: Get off him. You’re going to tear his ear off pulling it that hard. Get off of my son! I’ll call the police.

Family are now in the kitchen. George grabs knife hanging up, letting go of Ton.

George (gliding a knife across Chrissy’s body): You’re not touching that phone.

Chrissy: Put the knife down.

Ton: Dad, please.

George: Shut up Ton.

Ton (crying): Let her go!

George (drops knife, turns his attention to Ton): Stand against the wall.

Christsy: Don’t you touch him.

George (head shaking, spitting –in rage): STAND AGAINST THE WALL TON

Ton shaking, walks to the wall. His back facing the audience. George unstraps his belt from his jeans.

Ton: Dad, I’m sorry.

(George swinging belt in the air)

Chrissy: No George. Please. Please don’t. George!

Ton: Dad I’m sorry. Please. I promise I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.

George: I bet you won’t.

STRIKES Ton.

Chrissy: NOOOO

Blackout

Scene 2 – Ton is now grown. He is in his mid-30s. A single spotlight centre stage. This is now in the present.

Ton: I’ve still got the scar. And his raging voice still rings in my ear. After that night, he disappeared for a while. The next we saw of him was 3 months later - a police officer bringing him to our door. He had been arrested for ABH, kicking off at a barman for not serving him another. Seeing as he had nowhere else to go, my mum couldn’t help but let him in. In a few weeks of him staying, I found him time after time in the bathroom. His head so far down the toilet that he was at home with the piss and shit. This became so normal that we’d usually just leave him there until he made his own recovery. But after 3 hours had passed, he was still in the same position and that’s when I knew something wasn’t right. He stunk of boos so approaching him was hard enough, but I eventually came close enough to feel if there was a pulse. Something my mum had taught me to do, in case of an ‘emergency’, she obviously knew he would put me in this position one day. I pressed two fingers into his neck for a good 30 seconds. Nothing. I tried again with his wrist. Again, nothing. No pulse, and yet I left the house as if my dad hadn’t just died. Just like any other day. And you know where I went? I robbed a bottle of vodka from a corner shop.  Downing it no less than 2 minutes. That’s when I knew I had the same monster inside of me.  At the age of 13, I was starting my life as an alcoholic. How sad is that? 13 fucking years old. How could I follow the same steps of the man who hadn’t bothered to be a proper father? Sometimes I blame him, other times I blame myself for having no self-control. Maybe it’s in the genetics, who knows.

Scene 3. Lights come up. The whole stage is lit. Ton is in the middle of a circle of chairs, which have people sat in them. He is at an AA meeting.  

Lynn: Tony, was it?

Ton: Everyone calls me Ton.

Lynn: Sorry. Ton. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been sober for?

Ton: About an hour and a half.

Lynn: A length of time is better than none.

Ton: You?

Lynn: Coming up to about 7 years now.

Ton: Wow.

Lynn: It’s not been an easy ride. I’ve lost a few mates because not drinking made me ‘boring.’ But that’s their problem, not mine. Not going to lie to you, the journey to recovery is the hardest.  Just got to take it one day at a time.

Ton: I’ve never been good at the whole having willpower thing. I used to be before I hit my teens. But as I said, it all went bad from then onwards.

Lynn: Anything change in the family?

Ton: Mum got herself a boyfriend. And I was delighted for her. He seemed like a nice guy. But as my mum’s luck goes, he turned out to be a twat. She began covering herself up a lot more. One day, she rolled up her sleeves, I suppose by accident. And I saw what she was hiding. At least 5 slashes on each wrist. They were deep and fresh. And my heart broke for her.

Lynn: Self-inflicted?

Ton: Yep. But I knew it was because of him. 6 months into the relationship, all he could do was scream at her day and night over the pettiest things. After seeing the cuts, that was the final straw. The next days and nights, Darren spent on the doorstep until he finally got the point.

Lynn: How did he get the point?

Ton: A good beating, that’s how.

Lynn: So you’re an aggressive character?

Ton: Can you blame me? I’m a raging alcoholic

Ton: Anyway, I should probably take you back to how my life became what it is. It wasn’t all from the one belt slash.

Scene 4. Ton and Lynn enter a door. One of many plotted onstage. The door opens into the scene of Ton’s 7th birthday party at the family home.

Ton: But Mummy!

Chrissy: We’ll open some more presents later.

Ton: I want to open them now!

Chrissy: Tony.

Ton (spoke elongated): Dad

George: Listen to your mum, Ton.

Ton (sulking): Fine.

George (whispers):  How about, if you’re a good boy and wait to open your presents, Daddy promises to give you lots of cake later.

Ton:  You promise?

George: Promise.

Ton: Okay

George: Now go on, go play with your friends.

Ton: Thanks Dad (runs off to other room)

Chrissy (to George): He’s going to cry his eyes out later when he doesn’t get that cake.

George: Who said anything about cake?

Chrissy (giggling): I love you

The two share a kiss. George finishes the glass of alcohol in his hand – whisky/brandy.

Birthday party scene freezes – lights fade out. Back to Ton and Lynn momentarily.

Lynn: Wow, they were in love, alright.

Ton: Yeah, they were.

Lynn puts hand on Ton’s shoulder

Lynn: Can this please be a story with a happy ending?

Ton: Afraid not.

Lynn: Oh.

Ton: Don’t you see what’s in my dad’s hands?

George is lit elsewhere on stage, downing drinks/shots. Ton and Lynn are no longer visible to audience. Lights fade up.

Birthday party scene recommences. Andy and Jane – Chrissy’s brother and his wife – enter the scene.

Ton (opening present from mum and dad): WOW. Oh my gosh, it’s a scooter! And it’s red. That’s my favourite colour! Look Mummy, look.

Chrissy: I’m glad you like it baby.

Ton: I love it, lets go ride it now!

George: Don’t forget, Uncle Andy and Auntie Jane got you something too.

Ton: Ooh yeah, gimme.

Chrissy: Excuse me.

Ton: Sorry. I mean, please can I have my present uncle Andy and Auntie Jane? Please!

Jane: Of course you can sweetheart.

(Andy enters, carrying a large present)

Ton: It’s gianormous!

Andy: For my favourite nephew in the world.

George: Funny that, he’s your only nephew.

Andy: Lighten up George

George: Don’t need to. (to Ton) Open it then.

Ton: I am! I am! (wrapping paper is ripped off with help from mum) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much Uncle Andy and auntie Jane.

George: What is it?

Ton: It’s a bike Dad! A batman one!

George: That’s lovely Ton. (to Andy) Can I have a word?

The two exit the lounge. They are now in the hallway. Whilst, Chrissy, Ton and Jane are excited about the bike.

George: What’s that all about?

Andy: What?

George: The bike.

Andy: It’s no big deal mate.

George: You think it’s funny to show us up?

Andy: That’s not what I was trying to do.

George: Cut the bullshit.

Andy: I just got your son, my nephew, a birthday present. I don’t see the problem here to be quite frank with you George.

George: I’ll tell you what the fucking problem is, you and your Mrs flaunting all your cash. Always embarrassing me and Chrissy.

Andy: Are you having a laugh? All the financial help we’ve given you guys and this is how you return the favour.

George: What financial help?

Andy: You might want to get a better relationship with my sister.

George: You what?

Andy: What I’m saying is, you clearly don’t know your wife well enough.

George grabs Andy’s collar. The two are face to face.

George: Don’t talk to me about how well I know my wife.

Andy: Or what?

George headbutts Andy, who falls to the floor. Crash sound – cue Chrissy and Jane. Ton follows.

George: That’s fucking what.

Andy: What the fuck is wrong with you? You stupid prick.

Chrissy: What is going on? Andy, you’re bleeding.

George (shouting): He deserved it.

Chrissy: George, what did you do?

Andy (gets up): You wait until I get my hands on you.

George: Come on then. I’d like to see you try.

Jane: Both of you, stop.

Ton (who has been peering between adults’ legs to see the scene in the hallway): Dad, let’s go ride my bike.

George: Yeah course son.

Chrissy: Just wait a second sweetheart. George, you look ill.

George vomits in the hallway. Body is slouched over – slightly unconscious.

Ton: Ewww

Chrissy (to Ton): Mummy will come ride your bike with you, because Daddy’s not feeling very well.

Ton: Now!

Chrissy: I’ve just got to get Daddy to bed, and then we’ll play.

Chrissy (to George – trying to carry him): Lets get you upstairs.

Andy: You’re going to treat him like some sort of king, after what he’s just done.

Chrissy: Look, we’ll sort it out later. But now, he needs to rest and sober up. Give me a hand?

Andy: You’re having a laugh. We’re leaving. Come on Jane.

Chrissy: Jane?

Jane: Sorry, Chrissy.

The two pace out the house. Exit onto the street.

Ton (loudly – remaining on the front door step): Uncle Andy, where are you going?

Andy: Auntie Jane and I have got to go. We’ll be back another time Ton.

Ton: But you haven’t seen me ride the bike you got me!

Andy (runs back to door): Sorry kiddo. Another time.

He bends down to hug Ton and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He returns to the street, him and Jane exit.

Back to present day Ton and Lynn.

Ton: Didn’t see my uncle much after that day.

Lynn: Cause of your dad?

Ton: That. And he couldn’t forgive my mum for standing by her husband and not him, her own flesh and blood. To be fair, I don’t really blame him for fucking off. Like my dad said, he had so much money. The kind that could buy you happiness, you know. Family clearly became not necessary to him.

Scene 5. Ton and Lynn have a discussion, before entering another door.

Ton: Primary school was a screw up.  Well, my dad screwed it for me. He would show up to parents evenings off his nut. I remember other parents would tut and scowl. Even kids that were my closest friends backed off after seeing my Dad.

Lynn: What bastards. You know what people don’t realise? Alcoholism is a disease, just as much as cancer or any other illness is.

Ton: Yeah that’s true, but not seeking any help was my dad’s problem. I’m pretty surprised in myself for coming to AA really.

Lynn: Well, I’m glad you came.

Ton: And why’s that?

Lynn: You’re honest. I like honest people.

Ton: That’s sweet.

Lynn: So, what came after primary school?

Ton: High school, of course.

Lynn: Oh yes, the place full of hopes and dreams.

Ton: And it lets you down big time.

Lynn: Amen. My high school experience was as crappy as it gets. Ugly, not many friends, and definitely no prom.

Ton: I was kicked out before prom was even on the cards.

Lynn (to self): I was the only one.

Ton: The only one who didn’t go to prom? Na, couldn’t have been.

Lynn: No!

Ton: Then what?

Lynn: Not one boy asked me to be his date. Not even Josh Michaels, and he was dying to get laid.

Ton: Ah, it’s no big deal. Your prom date isn’t the person you’re going to marry. I mean, mine was, but that’s besides the point.

Lynn: You’re married?

Ton: Was.

Lynn: Sorry.

Ton: My Emma was begging me to go to prom just 2 months into our relationship.

Lynn: Great! An alccy was wanted more at the prom than a young, innocent, Lynn Davis was. Joking.

Ton: Hilarious. Anyway, back to me.

Lynn: Why is it that all we discuss is you?

Ton: You asked, remember.

Lynn: You got me there.

Ton: So, Emma. My god, she was something else.

Lynn: Pretty?

Ton: Beautiful. Most gorgeous girl I’d ever laid my eyes on.

Lynn: So you got married?

Ton: Hey, you can’t just skip the story like that.

Lynn: Can’t I?

Ton: No. You want the full story, right?

Ton and Lynn arrive at another door. He opens the door. End scene.

Scene 6 – Ton and Lynn enter the second door. This door introduces the love of Ton’s life – Emma – and their relationship.  They are around 20 years old.

Ton: Oh come on Em, it’ll be fun.

Emma: Oh but you know I’m ill Ton.

Ton: I know babe, but please. For me.

Emma: Fine. I’ll go.

Ton: Yes!

Emma: Only for you.

Ton: That’s my girl. You ready?

Emma: What…now?

Ton: Yes, now silly.

Emma: Let me just grab my bag. (she runs upstairs, coming straight back down with her bag)

Ton: Ready?

Emma (smiling): Ready.

The two exit the house. The setting changes into a restaurant.

Emma: Did you win the lottery and forget to tell me or something? This place is amazing.

Ton (laughs): No, I didn’t win the lottery Em.

Emma: How are you affording this?

Ton: Shh, that doesn’t matter. 

Ton takes Emma’s hands, holding them across the table.

Ton: I really love you.

Emma: I love you too.

Ton: We’ve had a few bumps along the road, ain’t we?

Emma: A few to say the least.

Ton: But you stuck by me and pulled me out of the lowest points I’ve been in, in my life. I’m so grateful for you Em.

Emma (getting teary): I’m the grateful one. You do everything for me Ton.

Ton: Are you crying?

Emma: So what if I am.

Ton (gets out of seat to go over to hers): You’re so cute.

Emma: Alright, don’t make a scene.

Ton: Well, you’re not going to like this then.

Emma: Like what?

Ton gets down on one knee

Emma: Oh my god.

Ton: Emma, you bring out the best in me babe. I love you more and more each day.

Emma (shaking): Oh my god. I can’t believe this is happening.

Ton: I want to spend the rest of my life with you (pulls ring out of pocket) so will you do the honour of being my wife and marry me?

Emma: Yes!

(Ton puts the ring on her finger. The two embrace. Extras in the restaurant notice what’s going on and begin clapping for the happy couple)

Emma (looking at her hand): It’s beautiful.

Ton: So I did good?

Emma: You did more than good. Oh my god, we’re getting married! We’re getting married!

End scene.

Scene 7. Ton and Lynn.

Ton: So that happened. We got married. And everything was starting to look up for me.

(Mime of wedding happening elsewhere on stage)

Outline of rest of the play

•  Ton cheats on Emma. Soon after having their first baby.

• The above results in divorce. This leads to Ton almost dying from alcohol, as he spends endless hours in pubs, bars and clubs. In consequence, he loses any custody rights to his child

• It is when Ton ends up in hospital that the turning point of the play arrives. After being discharged, he tries normal therapy/counselling, which is unsuccessful. AA is his last resort.

•   Realistically, my play would be an estimate of 1 hour and half in length, which doesn’t include the interval time between 2 acts.